he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize