whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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