I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
