I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize