can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
