Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
