I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
