then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Even my vagina gasped.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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