Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
