I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
