he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
