we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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