i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
