you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize