thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
