You're so nebulous sometimes
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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