My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
