your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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