Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
