I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
