Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
