how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
