first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
