I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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