No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
