All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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