he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
