I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
