I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As shirtless as possible
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
