Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
