Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
