My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sober January is a disaster.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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