My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
