Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
