If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
