at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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