Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
birth control should be required to get into college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
