i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
