I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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