Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize