i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
