don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
