Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
