it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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