i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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