where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she looked like the before picture.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
