I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
