I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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