community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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