Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
