it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
