We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
