dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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