you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
