I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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