Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
