were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
