I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize