so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
