I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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