apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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