first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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