Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
