wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
