Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
