Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
