nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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