WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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